techniques to build rapport, overcome resistance, establish trust and enable positive changes

 

COACHING SKILLS TO BUILD TRUST IN THE COACHING RELATIONSHIP 

 

Winning team  leaders--those interested in  creating a team climate as the bedrock  of execution-- understand that success is embedded in the accomplishments of those they work with. Hence  the key to success is enhancing the engagement  is rapport with  those they work with. They have to grasp the critical importance of coaching. Nothing is more important than how they listen, take in, reflect, question, and give feedback in the context of the coaching dialogue.

Successful pragmatic leaders are aware of these points that are essential to a coaching dialogue. The following techniques helped me overcome some resistance, establish trust and enable positive changes: 

 

 LISTEN ACTIVELY

In the coaching dialogue listening ACTIVELY means  conveying a genuine interest in what others are saying by nodding in approval, underlining key points to appreciate .  this helps 

 All too often we betray impatience and interrupt or show  lack of  continuous attentiveness, which in turn hampers the coaches participation .  Some inexperienced coaches  make the mistake of  thinking of  the  next argument or response. The keep up the  agenda they try to limit the conversation.  

While projecting a sense of curiosity, don't forget to absorb and register what is being said. You need to hear the words, read the gestures, and take in the thoughts, ideas, and emotions of the other party. To take in what you hear, you need to pace the conversation and put yourself in the shoes of the other party. Encouraging and supporting when coaching can be the difference between someone keeping going or giving up. Acknowledging another person is an incredibly powerful way of keeping them motivated.

 

 REFLECTIVE/ EMPATHETIC  LISTENING  

Reflecting back with accuracy shows the person you’re really listening and confirms that you have digested the right information. It also allows the person to hear back what he or she has said and to check within him or herself: Is it exactly what he or she meant to say?

You can reflect back by:

Paraphrasing 

Restate the essence of what you heard in your own words, or repeat what you heard using the same words the other party used.

Summarizing 

When you hear a lot of information, you may want to summarize the main message into short and concise sentences. When people have conversations, sometimes information doesn't emerge in an orderly way. You want to help your protégés focus on what seem to be their most important issues.

Repeating meaningful words

 When you repeat meaningful words, you let the other person know that you heard what is really important to them. It enables them to sense that you're listening and understanding them.

 

 THE NEXT LEVEL  …OVERCOME RESISTANCE

 

Questioning for Exploration

Thoughtful questions lead to thoughtful answers, and that leads to productive conversations. Asking questions extends the conversation and allows for a more proactive dialogue. Ask open-ended questions that allow more exploration to occur. By asking open ended questions, you give your protégés an opportunity to find answers within themselves.

When protégés discover the answers for themselves, it empowers them. When you question for exploration, you reinforce in their minds that you believe in them and that their opinions, knowledge, and experience are worthwhile. You build their confidence.

Seeing different perspectives. 

Have you ever found yourself in a situation where it feels like you are pinned into a corner and there is nowhere to go? If so, the chances are you were stuck in a perspective. When coaching, you need to be able to help your client to explore different perspectives, so that they can choose those that are most powerful.

Constructively Challenging

Challenging constructively is about not holding back but at the same time not destroying the relationship. Many people associate coaching with helping, which clearly it is. At the same time if the coaching never rocks the boat it just becomes another nice chat. laying back contradictions is a great way of constructively challenging. For example :I hear that you want to get your  promotion but at the same time you seem to be resisting making the time for new  assignments.

LEVEL THREE.....

 

Giving task responsibility 

The success of coaching lies in action beyond. Task responsibility  is one of the most powerful aspects of coaching. It has been suggested that people have a  higher chance of achieving an objective when they have accountability in place. When someone gives a commitment to doing something and they know that they will be held to account, it drives them forward.

Provide direct Feedback for Development

 

Feedback is often thought of as being inherently critical, but that need not be the case. Successful coaches are careful and discriminating about how they employ feedback, knowing that poor or incomplete feedback could stifle their protégés or even cause feelings of inadequacy in them. The successful coach avoids the common mistake of using feedback as a vehicle for asserting expertise. Unclear, arrogant, or dismissive feedback can drive your protégés into defensiveness and destroy the trust so critical to your relationship. When providing feedback, coaches should strive to make it clear, make it relevant, make it non-evaluative, make it helpful, and make it positive.

 Recognize what’s going well

Coaching well requires a balance of criticism and praise. If your coaching conversations are completely focused on what’s not working and what the employee has to do to change, that’s not motivating, it’s demoralizing.

Your recognition of the things your employee is doing well can be a springboard into how they can build from that to improve. We’re not talking about the compliment sandwich here, though, because that coaching technique often devolves into shallow praise that comes off as insincere.

Giving compliments that you don’t actually mean can have a worse effect than not giving any at all, so take the time to think about specific things that are going well, and let your employees know that you see and appreciate them!

 

Another aspect of this is how the employee likes to be recognized. This is a good question to ask them from the start of your relationship – does frequent recognition help them stay motivated, or is every once in a while sufficient? Do they prefer recognition to be given publicly or privately? The last thing you want to do is embarrass someone when you’re trying to be a good coach!

 

 

CONCLUDING -  ONLY CREDIBILITY CAN WIN TRUST 

 The relationship is based on equality, which builds openness and trust. The coach does not claim to have all the answers and the coachee feels their contribution is worthwhile. Solutions are developed from the understanding of the person experiencing the situation, so they are normally of much greater relevance and effectiveness.

Remember, the motivation to coach comes from the reward of seeing others succeed. No other stakeholder has as much influence over the productivity, engagement, and learning as the manager over their direct reports.  Meet the employee on the employee’s terms – ask what their preferred coaching session would look like and take that into account. Know the importance of coaching in the moment. Learning often happens best when things are occurring. Employees learn best by doing, so coach as you go!

 Teach Setting the stage for trust can sometimes be challenging as some individuals may be set in their ways. Confidentiality must be discussed up front, then strictly adhered to.  Be a person who keeps things confidential. Be true to your word and follow through with your action to solve the coachees' problems . It goes a long way when it comes to establishing trust in a relationship. One breach can undo weeks and months of trust-building .

Establish your credibility by sharing  your track record, mention credible sources and provide evidence to support your ideas. Your ability to draw on your experience and various resources will be vital to helping those you coach. So continuously aim to develop your expertise in the techniques of coaching to complement your business expertise

 

Best of luck

Dr Wilfred Monteiro