There is no template for success- each life is a fairy tale written by the hand of God ...Yet some traits across the spectrum ( AND VERY SIMILAR) of what it takes to become a SUCCESS

WHAT'S THE DNA OF FUTURE CEO's

At a recent conference of young entrepreneurs and achievers one of the speakers backed out with the ubiquitous excuse "...caught in a traffic jam..."  It was a tight jam for the conference organizers as well and the chief coordinator asked me to "step-in" (at just a 5 minute notice) to fill the gap especially since I had worked in the area of Success Motivation for well over 30 years.

I took my pen and jotted down in a hurry  my random thoughts on a sheet of paper... and to say I had request if I could email and send them a summary here it is... What surprises me is that if I had thought all through a weekend I might have not been so precise and substance filled.

1They look for and find opportunities where others see nothing.
2They find lessons while others only see problems.
3. They are solution focused. They rarely complain.
4. . They ask the right questions -- the ones which put them in a positive mindset and emotional state.
5. They set high standards for themselves... people who compete with themselves rarely get beaten
6. They don’t blame others for problems in life and take complete responsibility for their actions and outcomes.
7. They always find a way to maximize their potential, and use what they have effectively.
8. They are busy, productive and proactive. They work through the tough stuff that most would avoid.
9. The select friends carefully...They align themselves with like-minded people. They don’t hang out with toxic people

10. They have clarity and certainty about what they want...focus and perseverance brings them success in the long term
11. They don’t invest time or emotional energy into uncontrollable things.

12. They don’t procrastinate. They deal with problems quickly and effectively. They finish what they start.
13. They are life-long learners....not a day passes without them jotting what they learnt from the book of life
14. They are tough minded optimists , while still being practical and down-to-earth.
15. They perform consistently ...by doing what they need to do, regardless of how they are feeling on a given day.
16.  They don’t believe in, or wait for, fate, destiny, chance or luck...the smarter they work their luck works harder for them.

17. They focus on what matters... not the trivial or the distractions which eats other peoples  time
18. . They have identified what is important to them and they do their best to live a life which is reflective of those values.
19. They have balance. They know that money is a tool and ultimately, it’s just another resource.
20. They understand the importance of discipline and self-control this is the core of their character.
21. They are secure in their sense of self-worth...their work give them worth but leisure gives them their colour
22They are adaptable and embrace change... both willing to give up and get started on something important yet daunting or unpleasant
23. They are resilient...they bounce back after a setback; they enthusiasm is  not zero in moments of crisis
24. They listen well and are open to, and more likely to act upon, feedback.
25. They know how to relax, enjoy what they have in their life and to have fun.

With best compliments

Dr Wilfred Monteiro

HOW TO BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND!!! how can you withdraw from an account you have not deposited love... begin by creating a wonderful person called YOU

Self–esteem is asserting my right to think & say “I am OK” no matter what experience may be occurring in my life, no matter what my station of life !

WHO’S THE STRANGER IN THE MIRROR?

an essay into self image development

"Do not wish to be anything but what you are,

and try to be that perfectly." 

St. Francis De Sales

WHAT IS SELF-IMAGE?

Self-image is the personal view we have of ourselves. It is our mental image or self-portrait. Self-image is an internal dictionary that describes the characteristics of the self, including intelligent, beautiful, ugly, talented, selfish and kind. These characteristics form a collective representation of our assets and liabilities as we see them. They become the collection of beliefs or feelings we have about ourselves, our "self-perceptions." How we define ourselves influences our motivations, attitudes, and behaviors and affects our emotional adjustment.

The difference between low self-esteem and poor self-image is this: self-esteem is based on subjective feelings that change according to the current environment; self-image is one's view of self, and beliefs about self, based on life experiences. The two can go hand-in-hand, but low self-esteem is a problem that is more easily and naturally fixed.

Patterns of self-esteem start very early in life. For example, a toddler who reaches a milestone experiences a sense of accomplishment that bolsters self-esteem. Learning to roll over after dozens of unsuccessful attempts teaches a baby a "can-do" attitude.

The concept of success following persistence starts early. As kids try, fail, try again, fail again, and then finally succeed, they develop ideas about their own capabilities. At the same time, they're creating a self-concept based on interactions with other people. This is why parental involvement is key to helping kids form accurate, healthy self-perceptions.

Self-esteem also can be defined as feelings of capability combined with feelings of being loved. A child who is happy with an achievement but does not feel loved may eventually experience low self-esteem. Likewise, a child who feels loved but is hesitant about his or her own abilities can also end up with low self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem comes when the right balance is reached.

According to eminent psychologist Prof Carl Rogers, everyone strives to become more like an “ideal self.” The closer one is to their ideal self, the happier one will be. Rogers also claimed that one factor in a person’s happiness is unconditional positive regard, or UPR, from others. UPR often occurs in close or familial relationships, and involves a consistent level of affection regardless of the recipient’s actions.

An important theory relating to self-concept is the self-categorization theory (SCT), which states that the self-concept consists of at least two “levels,” a personal identity and a social identity. In other words, people’s self-evaluations rely on both one’s self-perceptions and how one fits in socially. The self-concept can alternate rapidly between the personal and social identity.

HOW IS SELF-IMAGE DEVELOPED?

Self-image is a product of learning. Parents or caregivers make the greatest contribution to our self-image. They are mirrors reflecting back to us an image of ourselves. Our experiences with others such as teachers, friends and family add to the image in the mirror. Relationships reinforce what we think and feel about ourselves. The image we see in the mirror may be a real or distorted view of who we really are. Based on this view, we develop either a positive or a negative self-image. The strengths and weaknesses we learn as children are internalized and affect how we act as adults today.

We continually take in information and evaluate ourselves. How do I look? We have a mental image of our physical appearance. How am I doing? We have a performance image of our successes and failures. How important am I? We have an inner sense of our adequacy and value. With a positive self-image, we own our assets and potentials while being realistic about our liabilities and limitations. A negative self-image focuses on our faults and weaknesses, distorting failure and imperfections.

Self-image is important because how we think about ourselves directly affects how we feel about ourselves and how we respond to life. Self-image can determine the quality of our relationships with others. How we think and feel about ourselves influences the way we react or respond to life stressors. A positive self-image affects our physical, mental, social, emotional and spiritual well being.

4 MAJOR FACTORS THAT INFLUENCE SELF ESTEEM.

1) THE REACTION OF OTHERS. If people admire us, flatter us, seek out our company, listen attentively and agree with us we tend to develop a positive self-image. If they avoid us, neglect us, tell us things about ourselves that we don’t want to hear we develop a negative self-image.

2) COMPARISON WITH OTHERS. If the people we compare ourselves with (our reference group) appear to be more successful, happier, richer, better looking than ourselves we tend to develop a negative self image BUT if they are less successful than us our image will be positive.

3) SOCIAL ROLES. Some social roles carry prestige e.g. doctor, airline pilot, TV. presenter, premiership footballer and this promotes self-esteem. Other roles carry stigma. E.g. prisoner, mental hospital patient, refuse collector or unemployed person.

4) IDENTIFICATION. Roles aren’t just “out there.” They also become part of our personality i.e. we identity with the positions we occupy, the roles we play and the groups we belong to.

 

HOW CAN WE CREATE A POSITIVE SELF-IMAGE?

 

Self-image is not permanently fixed. Part of our self-image is dynamic and changing. We can learn to develop a healthier and more accurate view of ourselves, thus changing the distortions in the mirror. Self-image change is a process occurring over a lifetime. A healthy self-image starts with learning to accept and love ourselves. It also means being accepted and loved by others.

SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS – as habitual self-awareness?Obsession with self-image leads to a life of constant comparison.  As mentioned before, there will always be someone richer, thinner, more intelligent, more spiritual, more etc.  A life of constant comparison is a competition we can never win over the long run.

SPECIFIC STEPS TO FOSTER A POSITIVE SELF-IMAGE

The following are steps that you can take to begin fostering a positive image of yourself:

·        Take a self-image inventory

·        Define personal goals and objectives

·        Set realistic and measurable goals

·        Confront thinking distortions

·        Identify childhood labels

·        Stop comparing yourself to others

·        Develop your strengths

·        Learn to love yourself

·        Give positive affirmations

·        Remember that you are unique

·        Learn to laugh and smile

·        Remember how far you have come

Finding Professional Help

If you suspect you have low self-esteem, consider professional help. Family and child counselors can work to uncover underlying issues that prevent a child from feeling good about himself or herself.

My first session in coaching is always to  help you to learn to view yourself and the world positively. When people see themselves in a more realistic light, they can accept who they truly are. With a little help, every person can develop healthy self-esteem for a happier, more fulfilling life.

with best compliments

Dr Wilfred Monteiro- 

THE CEO's META COACH

www.synergymanager.net