WHO’S THE STRANGER IN
THE MIRROR?
an essay into self image development
"Do not wish to be
anything but what you are,
WHAT IS SELF-IMAGE?
Self-image is the personal view we have of ourselves.
It is our mental image or self-portrait. Self-image is an internal dictionary
that describes the characteristics of the self, including intelligent,
beautiful, ugly, talented, selfish and kind. These characteristics form a
collective representation of our assets and liabilities as we see them. They
become the collection of beliefs or feelings we have about ourselves, our
"self-perceptions." How we define ourselves influences our
motivations, attitudes, and behaviors and affects our emotional adjustment.
The
difference between low self-esteem and poor self-image is this: self-esteem is
based on subjective feelings that change according to the current environment;
self-image is one's view of self, and beliefs about self, based on life
experiences. The two can go hand-in-hand, but low self-esteem is a problem that
is more easily and naturally fixed.
Patterns
of self-esteem start very early in life. For example, a toddler who reaches a
milestone experiences a sense of accomplishment that bolsters self-esteem.
Learning to roll over after dozens of unsuccessful attempts teaches a baby a
"can-do" attitude.
The
concept of success following persistence starts early. As kids try, fail, try
again, fail again, and then finally succeed, they develop ideas about their own
capabilities. At the same time, they're creating a self-concept based on
interactions with other people. This is why parental involvement is key to
helping kids form accurate, healthy self-perceptions.
Self-esteem
also can be defined as feelings of capability combined with feelings of being
loved. A child who is happy with an achievement but does not feel loved may
eventually experience low self-esteem. Likewise, a child who feels loved but is
hesitant about his or her own abilities can also end up with low self-esteem.
Healthy self-esteem comes when the right balance is reached.
According to eminent psychologist Prof Carl Rogers,
everyone strives to become more like an “ideal self.” The closer one is to
their ideal self, the happier one will be. Rogers also claimed that one factor
in a person’s happiness is unconditional
positive regard, or UPR, from others. UPR often occurs in close or familial
relationships, and involves a consistent level of affection regardless of the
recipient’s actions.
An important theory relating to self-concept is the self-categorization theory (SCT), which states that the
self-concept consists of at least two “levels,” a personal identity and a
social identity. In other words, people’s self-evaluations rely on both one’s
self-perceptions and how one fits in socially. The self-concept can alternate
rapidly between the personal and social identity.
HOW IS SELF-IMAGE DEVELOPED?
Self-image is a product of learning. Parents
or caregivers make the greatest contribution to our self-image. They are
mirrors reflecting back to us an image of ourselves. Our experiences with
others such as teachers, friends and family add to the image in the mirror.
Relationships reinforce what we think and feel about ourselves. The image we
see in the mirror may be a real or distorted view of who we really are. Based
on this view, we develop either a positive or a negative self-image. The
strengths and weaknesses we learn as children are internalized and affect how
we act as adults today.
We continually take in information and
evaluate ourselves. How do I look? We have a mental image of our physical
appearance. How am I doing? We have a performance image of our successes and
failures. How important am I? We have an inner sense of our adequacy and value.
With a positive self-image, we own our assets and potentials while being
realistic about our liabilities and limitations. A negative self-image focuses
on our faults and weaknesses, distorting failure and imperfections.
Self-image is important because how we think
about ourselves directly affects how we feel about ourselves and how we respond
to life. Self-image can determine the quality of our relationships with others.
How we think and feel about ourselves influences the way we react or respond to
life stressors. A positive self-image affects our physical, mental, social,
emotional and spiritual well being.
4 MAJOR FACTORS THAT INFLUENCE SELF ESTEEM.
1) THE
REACTION OF OTHERS. If people admire us, flatter us, seek out
our company, listen attentively and agree with us we tend to develop a positive
self-image. If they avoid us, neglect us, tell us things about ourselves that
we don’t want to hear we develop a negative self-image.
2) COMPARISON
WITH OTHERS. If the people we compare ourselves with (our
reference group) appear to be more successful, happier, richer, better looking
than ourselves we tend to develop a negative self image BUT if they are less
successful than us our image will be positive.
3) SOCIAL
ROLES. Some social roles carry prestige e.g. doctor, airline
pilot, TV. presenter, premiership footballer and this promotes self-esteem.
Other roles carry stigma. E.g. prisoner, mental hospital patient, refuse
collector or unemployed person.
4) IDENTIFICATION. Roles aren’t just “out there.” They also become
part of our personality i.e. we identity with the positions we occupy, the
roles we play and the groups we belong to.
HOW CAN WE CREATE A POSITIVE SELF-IMAGE?
Self-image is not permanently fixed. Part of
our self-image is dynamic and changing. We can learn to develop a healthier and
more accurate view of ourselves, thus changing the distortions in the mirror.
Self-image change is a process occurring over a lifetime. A healthy self-image
starts with learning to accept and love ourselves. It also means being accepted
and loved by others.
SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS – as habitual
self-awareness?Obsession
with self-image leads to a life of constant comparison. As mentioned
before, there will always be someone richer, thinner, more intelligent, more
spiritual, more etc. A life of constant comparison is a
competition we can never win over the long run.
SPECIFIC STEPS TO FOSTER A POSITIVE SELF-IMAGE
The following are steps that you can take to
begin fostering a positive image of yourself:
·
Take a
self-image inventory
·
Define
personal goals and objectives
·
Set
realistic and measurable goals
·
Confront
thinking distortions
·
Identify
childhood labels
·
Stop
comparing yourself to others
·
Develop your
strengths
·
Learn to
love yourself
·
Give
positive affirmations
·
Remember
that you are unique
·
Learn to
laugh and smile
·
Remember how
far you have come
Finding Professional Help
If
you suspect you have low self-esteem, consider professional help. Family and
child counselors can work to uncover underlying issues that prevent a child
from feeling good about himself or herself.
My
first session in coaching is always to help you to learn to view yourself and the
world positively. When people see themselves in a more realistic light, they
can accept who they truly are. With a little help, every person can develop
healthy self-esteem for a happier, more fulfilling life.
with best compliments
Dr Wilfred Monteiro-
THE CEO's META COACH
www.synergymanager.net
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