In our never-ending pursuit
of happiness and fulfilment, we often overlook the importance of
self-reflection and deep conversations with those around us. Introspection
can be uncomfortable and challenging, as it requires us to confront our fears,
weaknesses, and insecurities, which can be daunting.
To get you started on your journey of
self-reflection and personal growth, I have compiled a list of questions that make you
think about your life, values, and beliefs, and to challenge you to consider
new perspectives and ideas with regard to emotional intelligence
HOW
DO YOU UNDERSTAND & LABEL YOUR EMOTIONS
?
All
people experience emotions, but it is a select few who can accurately identify
them as they occur. Extensive research
shows that only 36% of people can do this, which is problematic because
unlabeled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices
and counterproductive actions.
People
with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use
an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so. While many people might describe
themselves as simply feeling “bad,” emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint
whether they feel “irritable,” “frustrated,” “downtrodden,” or “anxious.” The
more specific your word choice, the better insight you have into exactly how
you are feeling, what caused it, and what you should do about it.
DO
YOU KNOW YOUR STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES IN EI ?
Emotionally
intelligent people don’t just understand emotions; they know what they’re good
at and what they’re terrible at. They also know who pushes their buttons and
the environments (both situations and people) that enable them to succeed.
Having a high EQ means you know your strengths and you know how to lean into
them and use them to your full advantage while keeping your weaknesses from
holding you back.
DO
YOU SEEK ALWAYS PERFECTION VERSUS EFFICENCY ?
Emotionally
intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they know that
it doesn’t exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When
perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure
that makes you want to give up or reduce your effort. You end up spending your
time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and what you should have done
differently instead of moving forward, excited about what you've achieved and
what you will accomplish in the future.
DO
YOU PARDON YOURSELF FOR PAST MISTAKES ?
Emotionally
intelligent people distance themselves from their mistakes, but do so without
forgetting them. By keeping their mistakes at a safe distance, yet still handy
enough to refer to, they are able to adapt and adjust for future success. It
takes refined self-awareness to walk this tightrope between dwelling and
remembering. Dwelling too long on your mistakes makes you anxious and gun shy,
while forgetting about them completely makes you bound to repeat them. The key
to balance lies in your ability to transform failures into nuggets of
improvement. This creates the tendency to get right back up every time you fall
down.
The
negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress
response. Just thinking about the event sends your body into fight-or-flight
mode, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the
hills when faced with a threat. When the threat is imminent, this reaction is
essential to your survival, but when the threat is ancient history, holding
onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health
consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown
that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease.
Holding onto a grudge means you’re holding onto stress, and emotionally
intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Letting go of a grudge not
only makes you feel better now but can also improve your health.
DO
YOU ALLOW OTHERS TO DEFINE YOU?
Though
you believe intimate relations are a rich sentiment You Won’t Let ANYONE
DEFINE YOU . When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the
opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness.
When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they’ve
done, they won’t let anyone’s opinions or snide remarks take that away from
them. While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of
you, you don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take
people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people
are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within.
DO YOU VALUE BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS & FRIENDSHIPS ARE AN IMPORTANT
SUCCESS FACTOR IN LIFE?
On one
hand, loving others is an important aspect of being human. When we love others,
we experience a sense of connection and purpose that can bring meaning to our
lives. Loving others allows us to be selfless and to give of ourselves in ways
that can have a profound impact on the world around us. It can also bring us a
sense of fulfilment and satisfaction.
On the
other hand, being loved is also important. When we are loved, we feel a sense
of belonging and acceptance that can be deeply reassuring. Being loved can help
us feel more confident, secure, and supported. It can also bring us a sense of
comfort and joy.
So, is
it more important to love or be loved? The answer may vary depending on
individual perspectives and experiences. However, it's important to note that
love is not a one-way street. It's not a matter of choosing between loving
others or being loved by them. In fact, both aspects of love are interconnected
and equally important.
Love
is one of the most powerful emotions that we can experience as human beings. It
can bring us immense joy, but it can also make us vulnerable and open to pain.
Allowing another person to truly love us requires a deep level of trust and
vulnerability. But what does it mean to allow someone to truly love you?
At its
core, allowing another person to truly love you means being open and honest
with them about your thoughts, feelings, and desires. It means being vulnerable
and allowing yourself to be seen for who you truly are, flaws and all. It
requires a level of trust that the other person will accept you and love you
for who you are, without judgment or criticism.
In
order to allow someone to truly love you, it's important to let go of any fears
or insecurities that may be holding you back. Love yourself first. This
means being willing to take risks, being open to new experiences, and being
honest about your needs and desires. It also means being willing to let the
other person in and being receptive to their love and affection.
DO YOU WORK TO CULTIVATE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS AND INTIMACY?
It
doesn’t matter if they’re introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent
people are curious about everyone around them. This curiosity is the product of
empathy, one of the most significant gateways to a high EQ. The more you care
about other people and what they’re going through, the more curiosity you’re
going to have about them.
Effective
communication is the foundation of healthy relationships and intimacy. It's
important to express oneself clearly, listen actively to one's partner, and
avoid making assumptions. Good communication requires honesty, transparency,
and the ability to understand and respect each other's perspectives. By
communicating effectively, partners can establish trust, mutual understanding,
and intimacy.
Trust
is another crucial element of healthy relationships and intimacy. Trust is
built over time through consistent actions that show reliability, honesty, and
respect. It's essential to honour commitments, be transparent, and avoid behaviours
that erode trust, such as lying, cheating, or breaking promises. By building
trust, partners can create a sense of safety, security, and intimacy.
GUIDE FOR DEEPEER SELF-ANALYSIS
These questions are just a starting point, and we
encourage you to come up with your own thought-provoking questions as well.
Remember, there are no right or wrong answers - the goal is to engage in
self-reflection and honest exploration of your thoughts and feelings. By asking
yourself these difficult questions and engaging in deep conversations with
yourself or your coach, you can gain greater clarity about your life and
ultimately, increase your overall sense of happiness and fulfilment.
these deep questions offer a window into the
complexities and nuances of the human experience. From philosophical questions
about the nature of truth and reality to questions about the role of tradition
or spirituality in our lives, these prompts invite us to explore the world and
ourselves in new and meaningful ways.
Through reflection and introspection, we can gain a
deeper understanding of our values, beliefs, and priorities, and make more
informed choices about how to live our lives. These questions challenge us to confront
our assumptions and biases and to consider alternative perspectives and ways of
being.
However, taking the time to pause and ask ourselves
thought-provoking questions can have a profound impact on our personal growth
and development. By asking ourselves difficult and challenging questions, we
can gain a deeper understanding of who we are, what we want out of life, and
how we can achieve our goals.
Take a deep breath and stay calm:
Hard-hitting questions can be uncomfortable or even
triggering. Taking a deep breath and staying calm can help you stay focused and
respond in a more productive way.
Reflect on the question:
Take a moment to think about the question and what
it means to you. Consider your values, beliefs, and experiences that may be
relevant to the question.
Consider multiple perspectives:
Hard-hitting questions may challenge our
assumptions and biases. Try to approach the question from different angles to
gain a broader perspective.
Be honest:
There are no wrong answers when it comes to
hard-hitting questions. Be honest about your thoughts and feelings, even if
they may be uncomfortable or unpopular.
SUMMING UP - What is the
most important lesson you've learnt?
While
there are no easy answers to these questions, the act of pondering so many things
can be a deeply transformative experience. By engaging in this type of
self-reflection, we can cultivate greater empathy, curiosity, and
self-awareness, and begin to forge a deeper connection with ourselves and the
world around us.
Unlike
your IQ, your EQ is highly malleable. As you train your brain by repeatedly
practicing new emotionally intelligent behaviors, it builds the pathways needed
to make them into habits. As your brain reinforces the use of these new
behaviors, the connections supporting old, destructive behaviors die off.
Before long, you begin responding to your surroundings with emotional
intelligence without even having to think about it.
With best compliments
Dr Wilfred Monteiro
