MY MIND CHURNING & SOUL SEARCHING QUESTIONS TO IMPROVE YOU EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE

 

In our never-ending pursuit of happiness and fulfilment, we often overlook the importance of self-reflection and deep conversations with those around us. Introspection can be uncomfortable and challenging, as it requires us to confront our fears, weaknesses, and insecurities, which can be daunting.

To get you started on your journey of self-reflection and personal growth, I have  compiled a list of questions that make you think about your life, values, and beliefs, and to challenge you to consider new perspectives and ideas with regard to emotional intelligence

HOW DO YOU UNDERSTAND  & LABEL YOUR EMOTIONS ?

All people experience emotions, but it is a select few who can accurately identify them as they occur.  Extensive research shows that only 36% of people can do this, which is problematic because unlabeled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices and counterproductive actions.

People with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so. While many people might describe themselves as simply feeling “bad,” emotionally intelligent people can pinpoint whether they feel “irritable,” “frustrated,” “downtrodden,” or “anxious.” The more specific your word choice, the better insight you have into exactly how you are feeling, what caused it, and what you should do about it.

DO YOU KNOW YOUR STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES IN EI ?

Emotionally intelligent people don’t just understand emotions; they know what they’re good at and what they’re terrible at. They also know who pushes their buttons and the environments (both situations and people) that enable them to succeed. Having a high EQ means you know your strengths and you know how to lean into them and use them to your full advantage while keeping your weaknesses from holding you back.

DO YOU SEEK ALWAYS PERFECTION VERSUS EFFICENCY ?

Emotionally intelligent people won’t set perfection as their target because they know that it doesn’t exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you’re always left with a nagging sense of failure that makes you want to give up or reduce your effort. You end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and what you should have done differently instead of moving forward, excited about what you've achieved and what you will accomplish in the future.

DO YOU PARDON YOURSELF FOR PAST  MISTAKES ?

Emotionally intelligent people distance themselves from their mistakes, but do so without forgetting them. By keeping their mistakes at a safe distance, yet still handy enough to refer to, they are able to adapt and adjust for future success. It takes refined self-awareness to walk this tightrope between dwelling and remembering. Dwelling too long on your mistakes makes you anxious and gun shy, while forgetting about them completely makes you bound to repeat them. The key to balance lies in your ability to transform failures into nuggets of improvement. This creates the tendency to get right back up every time you fall down.

The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event sends your body into fight-or-flight mode, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. When the threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival, but when the threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time. In fact, researchers at Emory University have shown that holding onto stress contributes to high blood pressure and heart disease. Holding onto a grudge means you’re holding onto stress, and emotionally intelligent people know to avoid this at all costs. Letting go of a grudge not only makes you feel better now but can also improve your health.

DO YOU ALLOW OTHERS TO DEFINE YOU?

Though you believe intimate relations are a rich sentiment You Won’t Let  ANYONE   DEFINE YOU . When your sense of pleasure and satisfaction are derived from the opinions of other people, you are no longer the master of your own happiness. When emotionally intelligent people feel good about something that they’ve done, they won’t let anyone’s opinions or snide remarks take that away from them. While it’s impossible to turn off your reactions to what others think of you, you don’t have to compare yourself to others, and you can always take people’s opinions with a grain of salt. That way, no matter what other people are thinking or doing, your self-worth comes from within.

DO YOU VALUE BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS & FRIENDSHIPS ARE AN IMPORTANT SUCCESS FACTOR IN LIFE?

On one hand, loving others is an important aspect of being human. When we love others, we experience a sense of connection and purpose that can bring meaning to our lives. Loving others allows us to be selfless and to give of ourselves in ways that can have a profound impact on the world around us. It can also bring us a sense of fulfilment and satisfaction.

On the other hand, being loved is also important. When we are loved, we feel a sense of belonging and acceptance that can be deeply reassuring. Being loved can help us feel more confident, secure, and supported. It can also bring us a sense of comfort and joy.

So, is it more important to love or be loved? The answer may vary depending on individual perspectives and experiences. However, it's important to note that love is not a one-way street. It's not a matter of choosing between loving others or being loved by them. In fact, both aspects of love are interconnected and equally important.

Love is one of the most powerful emotions that we can experience as human beings. It can bring us immense joy, but it can also make us vulnerable and open to pain. Allowing another person to truly love us requires a deep level of trust and vulnerability. But what does it mean to allow someone to truly love you?

At its core, allowing another person to truly love you means being open and honest with them about your thoughts, feelings, and desires. It means being vulnerable and allowing yourself to be seen for who you truly are, flaws and all. It requires a level of trust that the other person will accept you and love you for who you are, without judgment or criticism.

In order to allow someone to truly love you, it's important to let go of any fears or insecurities that may be holding you back. Love yourself first. This means being willing to take risks, being open to new experiences, and being honest about your needs and desires. It also means being willing to let the other person in and being receptive to their love and affection.

DO YOU WORK TO CULTIVATE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS AND INTIMACY?

It doesn’t matter if they’re introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are curious about everyone around them. This curiosity is the product of empathy, one of the most significant gateways to a high EQ. The more you care about other people and what they’re going through, the more curiosity you’re going to have about them.

Effective communication is the foundation of healthy relationships and intimacy. It's important to express oneself clearly, listen actively to one's partner, and avoid making assumptions. Good communication requires honesty, transparency, and the ability to understand and respect each other's perspectives. By communicating effectively, partners can establish trust, mutual understanding, and intimacy.

Trust is another crucial element of healthy relationships and intimacy. Trust is built over time through consistent actions that show reliability, honesty, and respect. It's essential to honour commitments, be transparent, and avoid behaviours that erode trust, such as lying, cheating, or breaking promises. By building trust, partners can create a sense of safety, security, and intimacy.

GUIDE FOR DEEPEER  SELF-ANALYSIS

These questions are just a starting point, and we encourage you to come up with your own thought-provoking questions as well. Remember, there are no right or wrong answers - the goal is to engage in self-reflection and honest exploration of your thoughts and feelings. By asking yourself these difficult questions and engaging in deep conversations with yourself or your coach, you can gain greater clarity about your life and ultimately, increase your overall sense of happiness and fulfilment.

 

these deep questions offer a window into the complexities and nuances of the human experience. From philosophical questions about the nature of truth and reality to questions about the role of tradition or spirituality in our lives, these prompts invite us to explore the world and ourselves in new and meaningful ways.

Through reflection and introspection, we can gain a deeper understanding of our values, beliefs, and priorities, and make more informed choices about how to live our lives. These questions challenge us to confront our assumptions and biases and to consider alternative perspectives and ways of being.

However, taking the time to pause and ask ourselves thought-provoking questions can have a profound impact on our personal growth and development. By asking ourselves difficult and challenging questions, we can gain a deeper understanding of who we are, what we want out of life, and how we can achieve our goals.

Take a deep breath and stay calm:

Hard-hitting questions can be uncomfortable or even triggering. Taking a deep breath and staying calm can help you stay focused and respond in a more productive way.

Reflect on the question:

Take a moment to think about the question and what it means to you. Consider your values, beliefs, and experiences that may be relevant to the question.

Consider multiple perspectives:

Hard-hitting questions may challenge our assumptions and biases. Try to approach the question from different angles to gain a broader perspective.

Be honest:

There are no wrong answers when it comes to hard-hitting questions. Be honest about your thoughts and feelings, even if they may be uncomfortable or unpopular.

 

SUMMING UP - What is the most important lesson you've learnt?

While there are no easy answers to these questions, the act of pondering so many things can be a deeply transformative experience. By engaging in this type of self-reflection, we can cultivate greater empathy, curiosity, and self-awareness, and begin to forge a deeper connection with ourselves and the world around us.

Unlike your IQ, your EQ is highly malleable. As you train your brain by repeatedly practicing new emotionally intelligent behaviors, it builds the pathways needed to make them into habits. As your brain reinforces the use of these new behaviors, the connections supporting old, destructive behaviors die off. Before long, you begin responding to your surroundings with emotional intelligence without even having to think about it.

 With best compliments

Dr Wilfred Monteiro