META+COACH the definitive model for executive coaching for future CEO's of your company

WINNERS IN LIFE reach their goals not simply because of who they are, but more often because of what they do.

NINE  things winners do Differently 

to stay ahead of the crowd

Why have you been so successful in reaching some of your goals in 2016, but not others? If you aren’t sure, you are far from alone in your confusion. It turns out that even brilliant, highly accomplished people are pretty lousy when it comes to understanding why they succeed or fail. The intuitive answer — that you are born predisposed to certain talents and lacking in others — is really just one small piece of the puzzle. In fact, decades of research on personal growth achievement suggests that  WINNERS IN LIFE reach their goals not simply because of who they are, but more often because of what they do.

1.BEGIN AFRESH- BE FULLY ALIVE IN THE NOW

WHAT WOULD YOU DO DIFFERENTLY IF YOU WERE TO LIVE THE BYGONE YEAR 2016 ALL OVER AGAIN??? Good question but how much will you retrospect  and many days of 2017 will you look in the rear view mirror? Give up the past.  It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present.

Stop deluding yourself. Be present in everything you do and enjoy life. After all life is a journey not a destination. Have a clear vision for the future, prepare yourself, but always be present in the now.

2.WORK ON THE INSIDE FIRST

Give up your self-defeating self-talk. How many people are hurting themselves because of their negative, polluted and repetitive self-defeating mindset? Give up your limiting beliefs about what you can or cannot do, about what is possible or impossible. From now on, you are no longer going to allow your limiting beliefs to keep you stuck in the wrong place. Spread your wings and fly! A belief is not an idea held by the mind, it is an idea that holds the mind

Don’t believe everything that your mind is telling you – especially if it’s negative and self-defeating. You are better than that. The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive. Give up your excuses. Send them packing and tell them they’re fired. You no longer need them. A lot of times we limit ourselves because of the many excuses we use. Instead of growing and working on improving ourselves and our lives, we get stuck, lying to ourselves, using all kind of excuses – excuses that most of the time are not even real.

3.KEEP YOU EYE ON THE BALL AND ALWAYS  ACT ON YOUR GOALS. 

Given how busy most of us are, and how many goals we are juggling at once, it’s not surprising that we routinely miss opportunities to act on a goal because we simply fail to notice them. Do first things first (only saying) and second things never. Achieving your goal means grabbing hold of these opportunities before they slip through your fingers...and deciding to avoid some of dubious value which don’t really add to your overall success. To seize the moment, decide when and where you will take each action you want to take, in advance. Again, be as specific as possible (e.g., “If it’s Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, I’ll clear my desk  for 30 minutes before work.”) Studies show that this kind of planning will help your brain to detect and seize the opportunity when it arises, increasing your chances of success by roughly 300%.

4.BE A REALISTIC OPTIMIST. REPROGRAM THE MIND

When you are setting a goal, by all means engage in lots of positive thinking about how likely you are to achieve it. Believing in your ability to succeed is enormously helpful for creating and sustaining your motivation. But whatever you do, don’t underestimate how difficult it will be to reach your goal. Most goals worth achieving require time, planning, effort, and persistence. Studies show that thinking things will come to you easily and effortlessly leaves you ill-prepared for the journey ahead, and significantly increases the odds of failure.

·         Give up on blame. Give up on your need to blame others for what you have or don’t have, for what you feel or don’t feel. Stop giving your powers away and start taking responsibility for your life.

·         Give up complaining. Give up your constant need to complain about those many, many, many things – people, situations, events that make you unhappy, sad and depressed. Nobody can make you unhappy, no situation can make you sad or miserable unless you allow it to. It’s not the situation that triggers those feelings in you, but how you choose to look at it. Never underestimate the power of positive thinking.

·         Give up on your fears. Fear is just an illusion, it doesn’t exist – you created it. It’s all in your mind. Correct the inside and the outside will fall into place. Fortunately, decades of research suggest that the belief in fixed ability is completely wrong — abilities of all kinds are profoundly malleable. Embracing the fact that you can change will allow you to make better choices, and reach your fullest potential. People whose goals are about getting better, rather than being good, take difficulty in stride, and appreciate the journey as much as the destination.

6.BUILD YOUR WILLPOWER MUSCLE

Perseverance  is a willingness to - commit to long term goals, and to persist in the face of difficulty. Studies show that gritty people obtain more education in their lifetime, and earn higher . The good news is, if you aren’t particularly gritty now, there is something you can do about it. People who lack persistence and constancy of purpose;  more often than not believe that they just don’t have the innate abilities successful people have. If that describes your own thinking …. well, there’s no way to put this nicely: you are wrong. As I mentioned earlier, effort, planning, persistence, and good tacts  are what it really takes to succeed. Embracing this knowledge will not only help you see yourself and your goals more accurately, but also do wonders for your grit.

 Your self-control “muscle” is just like the other muscles in your body — when it doesn’t get much exercise, it becomes weaker over time. But when you give it regular workouts by putting it to good use, it will grow stronger and stronger, and better able to help you successfully reach your goals. To build willpower, take on a challenge that requires you to do something you’d honestly rather not do. Give up high-fat snacks, do 100 sit-ups a day, stand up straight when you catch yourself slouching, try to learn a new skill. When you find yourself wanting to give in, give up, or just not bother — don’t. It will be hard in the beginning, but it will get easier, and that’s the whole point. As your strength grows, you can take on more challenges and step-up your self-control workout.

No matter how strong your willpower muscle becomes, it’s important to always respect the fact that it is limited, and if you overtax it you will temporarily run out of steam. Don’t try to take on two challenging tasks at once, if you can help it (like quitting smoking and dieting at the same time). And don’t put yourself in harm’s way — many people are overly-confident in their ability to resist temptation, and as a result they put themselves in situations where temptations abound. Successful people know not to make reaching a goal harder than it already is.

7.FOCUS ON WHAT YOU WILL DO 

To give an example  to successfully lose weight, quit smoking, or put a lid on your bad temper? Then plan how you will replace bad habits with good ones, rather than focusing only on the bad habits themselves. Research on thought suppression (e.g., “Don’t think about black cats!”) has shown that trying to avoid a thought makes it even more active in your mind. The same holds true when it comes to behavior — by trying not to engage in a bad habit, our habits get strengthened rather than broken.

If you want to change your ways, ask yourself, WHAT WILL I DO INSTEAD? For example, if you are trying to gain control of your temper and stop flying off the handle, you might make a plan like “If I am starting to feel angry, then I will take three deep breaths to calm down.” By using deep breathing as a replacement for giving in to your anger, your bad habit will get worn away over time until it disappears completely

8.GIVE UP LIVING YOUR LIFE TO OTHER PEOPLE’S EXPECTATIONS. 

Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and worse still what the media thinks is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.  You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path. Give up your need to impress others. Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take of all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

9.ACCEPT THE V.U.C.A. WORLD

VUCA  is a buzz word and rightly so for today. it stands for four forces ruling us today. Volatility, Uncertainty, Complexity And Ambiguity Give up your need to always be right. There are so many of us who can’t stand the idea of being wrong – wanting to always be right – even at the risk of ending great relationships or causing a great deal of stress and pain, for us and for others. It’s just not worth it. Whenever you feel the ‘urgent’ need to jump into a fight over who is right and who is wrong, ask yourself this question: “Would I rather be right, or would I rather be open to a new idea?” . What difference will that make to your mental horizon?

An Uncertain World means you need to give up your need for control. Be willing to give up your need to always control everything that happens to you and around you – situations, events, people, etc. Whether they are loved ones, coworkers, or just strangers you meet on the street – just allow them to be. Allow everything and everyone to be just as they are and you will see how much better will that make you feel.“By letting it go it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try. The world is beyond winning.”  Said Lao Tzu the ancient Chinese sage. A Complex and Ambiguous World means you need to give up any resistance to change. Change is good. Change will help you move to the next level of sucess. Change will help you make improvements in your life and also the lives of those around you. Follow your bliss, embrace change – don’t resist it. Follow your conscience on what’s right for you  and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls

THE WAY AHEAD IN 2020

It is my hope that, after reading about the seven things successful people do differently, you have gained some insight into all the things you have been doing right all along. Even more important, I hope are able to identify the mistakes that have derailed you, and use that knowledge to your advantage from now on. Remember, you don’t need to become a different person to become a more successful one. It’s never what you are, but what you do.

Focus on getting better, rather than being perfect you will set realistic and achievable goals. Believing you have the ability to reach your goals is important, but so is believing you can get the ability. Many of us believe that our intelligence, our personality, and our physical aptitudes are fixed — that no matter what we do, we won’t improve. As a result, we focus on goals that are all about proving ourselves, rather than developing and acquiring new skills.

Know exactly how far you have left to go. Achieving any goal also requires honest and regular monitoring of your progress — if not by others, then by you yourself. If you don’t know how well you are doing, you can’t adjust your behavior or your strategies accordingly. Check your progress frequently — weekly, or even daily, depending on the goal. Let the first quarter the first 90 days be the first milestone to measure your success and get the year to a flying start.

with best wishes

Dr Wilfred Monteiro

DON’T MAKE RESOLUTIONS, MAKE HABITS INSTEAD Research says 80 percent of New Year’s resolutions are over by mid-February. JANUARY 19th is celebrated as Quitters Day.

CONSOLIDATE YOUR RESOLUTIONS

 FOR NEW YEAR 2020

What would you do differently if you were to live the bygone year 2019 all over again??? Good question but how much will you retrospect and many days of 2020 will you look in the rear view mirror?

Give up the past.  It’s hard. Especially when the past looks so much better than the present and the future looks so frightening, but you have to take into consideration the fact that the present moment is all you have and all you will ever have. The past you are now longing for – the past that you are now dreaming about – was ignored by you when it was present.

In fact, decades of research on personal growth achievement suggests that  WINNERS IN LIFE reach their goals not simply because of who they are, but more often because of what they do.

DON’T MAKE RESOLUTIONS, MAKE HABITS INSTEAD

Research says 80 percent of New Year’s resolutions are over by mid-February. JANUARY 19^th is celebrated as Quitters Day.

The first  and most important thing: FORGIVE YOURSELF. Don’t make resolutions, make habits instead. Hence resolutions are ideas  whereas habits are actions; actions we can control. Every person has already formed habits without even thinking. Some are good, such as my habit of eating breakfast every day before work or class, and some are not so good such as smoking, random snacking, mobile time wasters. The resolutions you set at the beginning of the year can either be done or not, but habits aren’t as static. They can change and adapt and grow at any time throughout the year. Humans change and adapt and grow, so our dreams and aspirations should do the same!

GET INTO ACTION- NOW

Focus on what you will do, not what you won’t do. Do you want to successfully lose weight, quit smoking, or put a lid on your bad temper? Then plan how you will replace bad habits with good ones, rather than focusing only on the bad habits themselves. Research on thought suppression (e.g., “Don’t think about black cats!”) has shown that trying to avoid a thought makes it even more active in your mind. The same holds true when it comes to behavior — by trying not to engage in a bad habit, our habits get strengthened rather than broken.

If you want to change your ways, ask yourself, WHAT WILL I DO INSTEAD? For example, if you are trying to gain control of your temper and stop flying off the handle, you might make a plan like “If I am starting to feel angry, then I will take three deep breaths to calm down.” By using deep breathing as a replacement for giving in to your anger, your bad habit will get worn away over time until it disappears completely

MIND GAMES: HOW CAN I GET OUT OF MY WAY?

The mind is a powerful thing. We can do big things when our mind is convinced we can do it. Know your go-to fears and how you can unknowingly sabotage yourself. I often ask my clients, “If anything gets in your way, what will it be?” Do you know the answer for yourself? A recent client’s answer was, “I’m impatient and want immediate results, and this goal will take some time.” The obvious next question was, “What happens when you don’t get results quickly enough?” You guessed it: “I move on to something else.” If immediate gratification is your kryptonite, break your dream into tiny pieces to feed your desire to see faster progress.

KEEP YOU EYE ON THE BALL AND ALWAYS  ACT ON YOUR GOALS. 

Given how busy most of us are, and how many goals we are juggling at once, it’s not surprising that we routinely miss opportunities to act on a goal because we simply fail to notice them. Do first things first (only saying) and second things never. Achieving your goal means grabbing hold of these opportunities before they slip through your fingers...and deciding to avoid some of dubious value which don’t really add to your overall success. To seize the moment, decide when and where you will take each action you want to take, in advance. Again, be as specific as possible (e.g., “If it’s Monday, Wednesday, or Friday, I’ll clear my desk  for 30 minutes before work.”) Studies show that this kind of planning will help your brain to detect and seize the opportunity when it arises, increasing your chances of success by roughly 300%.

EXECUTION IS THE REAL TRICK TO CHANGE

New Year’s Resolutions Don’t Have to Be For a Full Year Why commit to 365 days when you haven’t even committed one day to your goal? Take your goals and habits a day at a time. Try doing your new thing every day for a week. Or 3 times a week for a month. Don’t set yourself up for failure by telling yourself you have to do something for a year. If you want to start going to the gym in the new year, try going once a week for a month. Then maybe try going 3 times a week for 2 months. Then 4 times a week for 6 months. Start small, both with your goals and your time. Starting small ensures a greater success rate.

Tell other people about your resolution. The more you put your plan out there, the more friends and family you'll have to help keep you accountable, . Surround yourself with supporters, not saboteurs. To set yourself up for max resolution success, surround with people who you know will support your efforts—and maybe even have similar goals themselves, suggests Ferrari. You don't have to avoid the enabler friends altogether, but by spending less time with them and more with the types of people who will encourage and support you, you'll be much more likely to stay on track.

FINAL WORD THE WAY AHEAD IN 2020

Begin afresh- be fully alive in the now. Why have you been so successful in reaching some of your goals in 2019, but not others? It is my hope that, after reading about these things successful people do differently, you have gained some insight into all the things you have been doing right all along. Even more important, I hope are able to identify the mistakes that have derailed you, and use that knowledge to your advantage from now on. Remember, you don’t need to become a different person to become a more successful one. It’s never what you are, but what you do.

Best wishes

Dr Wilfred Monteiro

META+COACH LESSONS# ROAD TO EMOTIONAL MATURITY

Achieving any goal requires honest and regular monitoring of your progress — if not by others, then by you yourself.

 

THE MINDSET OF A WINNER IN LIFE

Why some people succeed and others don’t

 

 BUILD YOUR WILLPOWER MUSCLE

Perseverance  is a willingness to - commit to long term goals, and to persist in the face of difficulty. Studies show that gritty people obtain more education in their lifetime, and earn higher . The good news is, if you aren’t particularly gritty now, there is something you can do about it. People who lack persistence and constancy of purpose;  more often than not believe that they just don’t have the innate abilities successful people have. If that describes your own thinking …. well, there’s no way to put this nicely: you are wrong. As I mentioned earlier, effort, planning, persistence, and good tacts  are what it really takes to succeed. Embracing this knowledge will not only help you see yourself and your goals more accurately, but also do wonders for your grit.

 Your self-control “muscle” is just like the other muscles in your body — when it doesn’t get much exercise, it becomes weaker over time. But when you give it regular workouts by putting it to good use, it will grow stronger and stronger, and better able to help you successfully reach your goals. To build willpower, take on a challenge that requires you to do something you’d honestly rather not do. Give up high-fat snacks, do 100 sit-ups a day, stand up straight when you catch yourself slouching, try to learn a new skill. When you find yourself wanting to give in, give up, or just not bother — don’t. It will be hard in the beginning, but it will get easier, and that’s the whole point. As your strength grows, you can take on more challenges and step-up your self-control workout.

No matter how strong your willpower muscle becomes, it’s important to always respect the fact that it is limited, and if you overtax it you will temporarily run out of steam. Don’t try to take on two challenging tasks at once, if you can help it (like quitting smoking and dieting at the same time). And don’t put yourself in harm’s way — many people are overly-confident in their ability to resist temptation, and as a result they put themselves in situations where temptations abound. Successful people know not to make reaching a goal harder than it already is.

 

GIVE UP LIVING YOUR LIFE TO OTHER PEOPLE’S EXPECTATIONS. 

Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and worse still what the media thinks is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.  You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path. Give up your need to impress others. Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take of all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

THE WAY AHEAD

It is my hope that, you have gained some insight into all the things you have been doing right all along. Even more important, I hope are able to identify the mistakes that have derailed you, and use that knowledge to your advantage from now on. Remember, you don’t need to become a different person to become a more successful one. It’s never what you are, but what you do.

 

Focus on getting better, rather than being perfect you will set realistic and achievable goals. Believing you have the ability to reach your goals is important, but so is believing you can get the ability. Many of us believe that our intelligence, our personality, and our physical aptitudes are fixed — that no matter what we do, we won’t improve. As a result, we focus on goals that are all about proving ourselves, rather than developing and acquiring new skills.

 

Know exactly how far you have left to go. Achieving any goal also requires honest and regular monitoring of your progress — if not by others, then by you yourself. If you don’t know how well you are doing, you can’t adjust your behavior or your strategies accordingly. Check your progress frequently — weekly, or even daily, depending on the goal. Let the first quarter the first 90 days be the first milestone to measure your success and get the year to a flying start.

With best wishes

Dr Wilfred Monteiro

 

.

What personal qualities do top coaches possess that separate them from the good coach?

HOW A SUCCESSFUL COACH

 BUILDS A RELATIONSHIP

What makes for an excellent coach? What personal qualities do top coaches possess that separate them from the good coach? Is it more the training or the inner qualities? Is it more coaching technique or the artistry? Is it more coaching knowledge or its application? Is it more natural talent for helping people or cultivated abilities? Is it insightful analysis of people or an abiding presence with them?

I have conducted my signature program BECOME AN EXECUTIVE COACH  umpteen times for client companies who want to carry on the coaching style of leadership and employee development.  I have been asked at the Valedictory Event what are the top attributes of successful executive coaches. Here is my impromptu list …

1. Exquisite self awareness-  You practice this like a Zen Monk humble, open, nurturing and grateful to the world.

2. High emotional intelligence – you can empathize with the coachee and are perceptive, intuitive, curious and inquiring. You have a sincere interest in clients and desire to help.

3. Broad vision with focus on important details- Executive Coaching is co partnership to solve business related problems not an unloading of advice or knowledge See coaching as a two way interchange of energies and learnings.

4. Superb Communication- Nuanced, crisp suggestions and hints in the form of provocative or exploratory open ended questions and sharp comments to spark insight 

5. Treat the Coachee as an Equal- Highest regard, caring and respect for clients. David Ogilviy said 50 years ago “… the customer is not a moron; she is as intelligent as your wife ….” Here your customer is the coachee you are the Servant Leader!!

6. With too may quack “certificate holders”  in the market; you can only stand out in the crowd by being a creative, innovative learner and developer of custom coaching methodologies. You have a capacity for deep and wide learning as a student of coaching and other disciplines that support helping others. Continuous learner of themselves and their experiences.

There probably is no one single attribute that all excellent coaches possess. Top flight coaches can be comprised of many stripes and can come from many places, but they all connect with their charges, they know how to make changes with them and they know how to get results. Bottom line, they get the work done.  You view coaching as a calling, an art and a discipline. However the style and conduct of the coaching sessions is the crux of the coaching relationship and the results one can expect:

A good coach should be able to…

1.    He has to be e clear right in the beginning of the intervention about t learning and development objectives.

2.    Avoid ‘jumping in’ to coaching until they have a relationship working with the person being coached (and never stop working on the relationship until they stop coaching).

3.    Be clear about the impact of your own behavior on the coachee. He must show good, sound judgment about which information to use with the coachee and whether the timing is right to share other, more sensitive information with him or her;

4.    How integrity by  follow through on promises or agreements Be available when needed by the individual and offer their time. Continually show that you have the coachee’s best interests in mind. 

5.    Communicate high expectations for individuals and have faith in their abilities to perform well. Raise the individual’s status. They should know the individual being coached is likely to say things that the coach wants to hear, more than they would to a co-worker, spouse, or friend. Avoid comparing the performance of the person they are coaching to the performance of someone else (or treat each individual as a unique situation and adjust their coaching style accordingly).

6.    When they do not know the answer to a question, admit it and offer to find the answer and provide it at the next coaching session (or sooner).Relate their real life experiences and stories (when doing so, using “I” and not the generic “you” to talk about themselves).Admit failure. A good coach should be therefore able to ‘model’ a key component of lifelong learning by being honest with their own performances and using them as an opportunity for learning.

7.    Honestly examine the role they should be playing. They should examine whether they want to be a constant nag, a bully, a friend, a critic, a mentor, a leader, a teacher, a manager, a counselor, a disciplinarian, or a role-model? Or even play multiple roles?

8.    Avoid assuming that the individual’s reluctant or nervous responses are merely signs of resistance and defensiveness to be simply ignored or overcome just because they are different from what they may want him or her to say. These statements should ideally be seen as genuine and valuable indicators of how an individual feels and may offer clues on possible future remedial actions that can be taken.

9.    Be willing to “lead from example” or to be an “exemplar” (modeling the desired behavior and not expecting the person being coached to do something they will not do themselves.

CONCLUDING

Before a coaching relationship is agreed, it is important to have an introductory session. During this session both the coach and the client will have an informal conversation about how the coaching could work, the primary goal of this meeting is to establish if the qualities and personalities of both parties match.

The masker key is however is : HAVE A PASSION for coaching and show an interest in the client and in developing them.  By being passionate about coaching and by believing in the coaching benefits this comes across in a positive way during your sessions. The client must believe that you are confident in your abilities and that you will be able to help them in their ultimate goal of change.

Best of luck

Dr Wilfred Monteiro

What are leadership blind spots?...unproductive behaviors that are hidden from ourselves but are glaring to everyone else, mainly our followers and our business rivals .

META+COACH SESSION #1 Discover your leadership blind spots What are leadership blind spots?...unproductive behaviors that are hidden from ourselves  but are glaring to everyone else, mainly our followers and our business rivals . To succeed as a manager, you need to learn how to recognize your blind spots and overcome them. Too often, leaders demonstrate behaviors that let down their success and consequently both their team and their organization. What are leadership blind spots?...unproductive behaviors that are hidden from ourselves  but are glaring to everyone else, mainly our followers and our business rivals . Our behavioral blind spots could create bad and unintended consequences: They corrupt decision-making, reduce our scope of awareness, create enemies,  divide teams into warring camps, destroy careers, and sabotage business results. No one is immune to blind spots, of course. But leaders are particularly vulnerable. It's enough that they must often navigate massive change and cope with stressful situations every day. But add to this the overpowering belief that many leaders shoulder: "I should have all the answers, I should know what to do, and I should be able to handle challenges alone." For many, the need to be right becomes much stronger than the need to be effective. And only the most confident leaders are willing to surround themselves with people who will point out what they're doing wrong—and be rewarded for their honesty. More often, everyone is forced to endure the boss' weaknesses in silence. Blind spots are not flaws; nor are they malicious. They are automatic behaviors. The real culprits are not the blind spots themselves. The problem is when they are unidentified and mismanaged. There are 10 blind spots that persistently knock people off the career ladder and undermine organizational performance. Below are ones that I have come across most often in my work as a management consultant (www.synergymanager.net) Share the Burden  The first is the instinct to go it alone. In my experience, that is the No. 1 blind spot. It's an obvious danger, when dealing with self-sufficient, independent leaders who have a need to be perceived as strong and tough. If you have a tendency to shoulder the burdens of life by yourself and unintentionally exclude others—colleagues, friends, and even family—then you need to be aware that this is a blind spot. Some of the symptoms of going-it-alone include rejecting offers of support, refusing to ask for help, not talking about your stress, pressure, or anxiety, isolating and withdrawing in group situations, and not including others in your thinking or in decision-making. You may think that your independent streak is a sign of strength. In actual fact, your behavior leaves others feeling frustrated, angry, and devalued. People view you as missing in action and acting as a team of one. Instead of empowering your team, you undercut it by refusing to share responsibilities, information, and decision-making. Your employees lose their enthusiasm, and you lose their support. The second blind spot that I have frequently encountered  is the tendency of leaders to be insensitive to their impact on others. They're simply unaware of the damage their behavior can create. They have a low threshold for picking up on the reactions of others, perhaps because they have never bothered themselves too much with what others think. Impact Awareness  The potential dangers of insensitivity become more critical when you are in a position of importance eg Head of a Dept / SBU head or finally even the CEO. Suddenly, you control the destiny of people around you. If you're making repeated blunders that you don't even see, there's little option for your team but to walk out the door. If this blind spot applies to you, your intentions may be positive but your behavior is ineffective. The rub is that people judge you by your behavior, not by your intentions. Symptoms include expecting others to respond the same way you do, not recognizing cultural differences, and dismissing feedback from others about your behavior. When you are insensitive to others, people tend to withdraw their trust. They'll work around you. At best, they may tolerate you. Others may marginalize you and, if they can, ultimately fire you. Sensitivity isn't about being soft. It's about being aware of the signals and needs and contributions of the people around you. It's critical to effective leadership. WITH BEST COMPLIMENTS DR WILFRED MONTEIRO THE META+COACH www.synergymanager.net