1. YOU NEED TO BE CONSISTANT ... have to be who you used to be.
When times get
tough, our worst battle is often between what we remember and what we presently
feel. Thus, one of the hardest decisions you will ever have to make is when to
stay put and struggle harder or when to take your memories and move on.
Sometimes you have to step outside of the person you’ve been, and remember the
person you were meant to be, the person you are capable of being, and the
person you truly are today.
In other
words, you are not what happened. You are what you choose to become in
this moment. Let go, breathe, and begin again.
2. BELIEF YOU HAVE TO LIVE BY ROLE
MODELS.
Being kind to
yourself in thoughts, words, and actions is just as important as being kind to
others. Extend yourself this courtesy today. Love yourself — your real self.
Work through your fears, your insecurities, and your anger (scream into the
pillow and at therapy — not into the mirror, nor the people you care about —
they don’t deserve it.) Instead of hurting yourself by hiding from your
problems, help yourself grow beyond them. That’s what self-care is all about.
It’s about facing the inner issues that make you believe that you are less than
you are. It’s learning to see that you are already capable and beautiful.
Not because you’re blind to your shortcomings, but because you know they have
to be there to balance out your strengths.
3. YOU HAVE MISSED THE BUS
When you stay
stuck in regret of the life you think you should have had, you end up missing
the beauty of what you do have. Not all the puzzle pieces of life will seem to
fit together at first, but in time you’ll realize they do, almost perfectly. So thank
the things that didn’t work out, because they just made room for the things
that will. And thank the ones who walked away from you, because they just
made room for the ones who won’t. As they say, every new beginning comes
from another beginning’s end.
4. LISTENING TO THE
DOOM SAYERS AND CYNICS AROUND YOU.
To be reasonably
positive in negative times is not just foolish optimism. It’s well grounded by
the fact that human history is a history not only of tragedy, but also of
success, sacrifice, courage, kindness, and growth. What we choose to emphasize
in this complex history will determine how well we live. If we look only for
the worst, it destroys our capacity to do our best work. But if we also remember
those times and places — and there are many — in which people have behaved
magnificently, and things have gone well, this gives us the inspiration and
energy to push forward with great intention and grace…
And when we do
act, in however small a way, we don’t have to sit around waiting for some
grandiose and perfect future to celebrate. The future is an infinite succession
of presents, and to live right now in defiance of all the negativity around us,
is in itself an amazing victory. Yes, our lives are worth celebrating every
step of the way, and life gets better and better when WE get better. So start
investing in yourself mentally and physically. Make it a priority to learn
and grow a little bit every day by building positive rituals and sticking
to them. The stronger you grow and become, the better your life will feel
in the long run.
5. WRONG BELIEF - I AM UNLUCKY UNLIKE
OTHERS
Just because
someone else can, doesn’t mean you can, right? Because you’re not good enough,
or you’ve already missed your chance, or it’s just not in the cards for you.
You look for reasons they can do it but you can’t…
- “Maybe he’s an internet
entrepreneur and freelance writer because he has no kids.”
- “Maybe she’s way fitter than I am
because she doesn’t have all the work and family obligations I have, or
has a more supportive spouse, or doesn’t have bad knees.”
No one else can
succeed for you on your behalf. The life you live is the life you build for
yourself. There are so many possibilities to choose from, and so many
opportunities for you to bridge the gap between where you are and where you
want to be. NOW is the moment to actually step forward!
6. QUESTIONS AND THREATS TO YOUR
UNIQUENESS
The truth is,
there is no one correct path in life. A path that’s right for someone else
won’t necessarily be a path that’s right for you. And that’s OK. Your journey
isn’t right or wrong, good or bad — it’s just different. Your life isn’t meant
to look exactly like anyone else’s because you aren’t exactly like anyone else.
You’re a person all your own with a unique set of goals, obstacles, dreams, and
needs. So stop comparing and start living. You may not always end up where
you intend to go, but you will eventually arrive precisely where you need to
be. Trust that you are in the right place at the right time, right now.
And trust yourself to make the best of it.
7. SPENDING TIME BROODING OVER
OPINIONS OTHERS HAVE YOU
People know your
name, not your story. They’ve heard what you’ve done, but don’t understand what
you’ve been through. So take their opinions of you with a grain of salt. In
the end, it’s not what others think, it’s what you think about yourself that
counts the most. Sometimes you have to do exactly what’s right for you and
your life, without giving a darn what your life looks like to everyone who
doesn’t even know you.
8. I CANNOT HANDLE TOXICS AND PEOPLE
WHO PUT ME DOWN
Not all toxic
relationships are agonizing and uncaring on purpose. Some of them involve
people who care about you — people who have good intentions, but are toxic
because their needs and way of existing in the world force you to compromise
yourself and your happiness. They aren’t inherently bad people, but they aren’t
the right people to be spending time with every day. And as hard as it is, we
have to distance ourselves enough to give ourselves space to live.
You simply can’t
ruin yourself on a daily basis for the sake of someone else. You have to
create boundaries and make your well-being a priority. Whether that means
breaking up with someone, loving a family member from a distance for a little
while, letting go of a friendship, or removing yourself from a daily situation
that feels painful — you have every right to create some healthy space for
yourself.
9. SICKNESS OF OVERTHINKING AND
OVER-ANALYSING
When your worries
and fears have you looking too deep into things, it creates problems, it
doesn’t fix them. If you think and you think and you think, you will think
yourself right out of happiness a thousand times over, and never once into it. Worrying
doesn’t take away tomorrow’s troubles, it takes away today’s peace and
potential. And life is just too short for that.
So when you catch
yourself going down a rabbit hole of worry, try using the simple phrase “The
story I’m telling myself” as a prefix to your troubling thoughts. Here’s
how it works: The story I’m telling myself can be applied to any
difficult life situation or circumstance in which a troubling thought is
getting the best of you. For example, perhaps someone you love (husband, wife,
boyfriend, girlfriend, etc.) didn’t call you or text you when they said they
would, and now an hour has passed and you’re feeling upset because you’re
obviously not a high enough priority to them. When you catch yourself feeling
this way, use the phrase: The story I’m telling myself is that they
didn’t call me because I’m not a high enough priority to them.
Then ask yourself
these questions:
- Can I be absolutely certain this
story is true?
- How do I feel and behave when I
tell myself this story?
- What’s one other possibility that
might also make the ending to this story true?
Give yourself the
space to think it all through carefully.
Challenge yourself
to think better on a daily basis — to challenge the stories you subconsciously
tell yourself and do a reality check with a more objective mindset.
FINAL WORD
It’s always
possible to go on, no matter how tough it seems. Remember that you’ve been in
this place before. You’ve been this uncomfortable and unsure, and you got
through it. You can get through it this time too! And yet I know how incredibly
hard it can feel. This is people knocked down and stuck in a rut behave . So if
you’re feeling this way now — like it’s impossible to make significant progress
today — you aren’t wrong for feeling what you feel. In many cases, you’re
right: significant progress comes gradually with time and consistency.
It’s all about taking one tiny positive step at a time, and staying the course…
Think about the
fact that it only takes a one degree change in temperature to convert water to
vapor, or ice to water. It’s such a tiny change — just one step in a different
direction — and yet the results are dramatic. A tiny change can make all the
difference in the world.
This same
philosophy holds true in various aspects of our lives. The tiniest things we do
each day — positive and negative alike — can make all the difference. They
either bring us closer or farther away from where we ultimately want to be.
Know this! And take the next tiniest step forward for yourself today.
With best compliments
Dr Wilfred Monteiro
