SMART PEOPLE CREATE THEIR OWN HAPPINESS

 

 

DEFINE YOUR OWN VERSION OF HAPPINESS

Although they generally all agree on what happiness feels like—being satisfied with life, being predominantly in a good mood, experiencing positive emotions, feeling thrills and peak experience often, periods of sublime peace etc.  Psychologists or the gurus of philosophy and self-help; have found it difficult to agree on the nature and scope of happiness. a commonly accepted definition would  be to say happiness is a state characterized by contentment and general satisfaction with one’s current situation. It has to be distinguished from pleasure which  is a more visceral, in-the-moment experience.

So we may argue that happiness, while not a permanent state, is a more stable state than pleasure. The list includes momentous sensory-based feelings we get from experiences like eating good food, getting a massage, receiving a compliment, or having a fun ride at the amusement park. Happiness generally sticks around for longer than a few moments at a time, whereas pleasure can come and go in seconds. But there is a correlation…pleasure can contribute to happiness, and happiness can enhance or deepen feelings of pleasure, but the two can also be completely mutually exclusive.

happiness is the state of feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. As an executive coach I ask my coaches … Can happiness and work do not always go hand in hand? Extensive survey and employee feedback polls have found that the number of people happily engaged at work are less the 15 %  Those who do rate themselves as happy are more motivated, more energized, and definitely more  productive than  their unhappy counterparts. For example, a challenging task can give your deep engagement  ; even more with a satisfactory  but incomplete task completion which leads to deep meaning and engagement.  Often the source of happiness is a struggle with crisis and conquest of problems which  gives you a deeper meaning of life and a more lasting happiness than momentary thrills mentioned earlier.  

LIFE IS …A SEARCH FOR HAPPINESS OR  MEANING ?

This leads us to a deeper level of analysis Happiness and meaning have an even more distinct line between the two. Rarely are happiness and meaning confused or used interchangeably, and for good reason—they describe two very different experiences.

Humans may resemble many other creatures in their striving for happiness, but the quest for meaning is a key part of what makes us human, and uniquely so. it’s a more comprehensive sense of purpose and feeling of contributing to something greater than yourself. Unlike happiness, meaning is not a fleeting state that drifts throughout the day;.

Feeling good and healthy  was related to happiness or finding one’s life easy or difficult may lead to happiness, but not meaning or fulfilment .  A lot of people with meaningful lives agree that  warm intimate  relationships are more important than achievements. Likewise helping people in adds both to happiness and meaning. The person who receives a favour is happy but the giver has a deep sense of fulfilment.  Ironically Scarcity of money may  reduce happiness  but may make a person more altruistic and search for meaning in life after a big loss of fortune. Impulsive people who seek pleasure through gambling  or intoxicants  which is  momentarily happy versus  who do a lot of deep thinking  even to become gloomy and aggrieved. Spiritiualty can bring inner peace without material comfort; likewise contemplation and seeing oneself as wise, creative, and even successful made one both happy and more fulfilled .

Hence we see that all happiness (as distinct from pleasure) may not lead to meaning. But strangely in some situations both happiness and meaning merge each can contribute to the experience of the other This in turn may reinforce in people the need to follow certain paths and behaviours like the great sage Gautama Buddha  that spiritually was a search for what causes “sukh/dukh” (joy or sorrow).

HAPPINESS IS A CHOICE

Happiness actually has less to do with your circumstances than you might think. Life circumstances have little to do with happiness because much happiness is under your control—the product of your habits and your outlook on life. Happiness is synthetic—you either create it, or you don’t.  Happiness is a choice- it  is not trying or finding, it’s deciding to be happy inspite of unfulfilled desires or flaws in our situation at home or work; or setbacks of health and business fortune. And making yourself happy doesn’t just improve your performance; it’s also good for your health.

When it comes to making yourself happy, you need to learn what works for you. Once you discover this, everything else tends to fall into place. happiness can be a choice, and it’s something you can practice. But if you’re feeling unhappy, that’s not failure. However happiness is not something that simply falls into our laps or that graces only the luckiest among us; rather, we make a choice to be happy, and we continue to be happy for as long as we choose to be happy.

From this discussion, we can glean the essence : Happiness is a state of well-being , not a predictable discernible character trait of a person, but a more fleeting, changeable state. Happiness is equated with feeling pleasure or contentment and fulfilment. This does not imply that happiness is to be confused with joy, ecstasy, bliss, or other more intense and transitory  feelings. Happiness can be either feeling or showing, meaning that happiness is not necessarily an internal or external experience, but can be both.

THE WAY FORWARD

Many factors determine the amount of happiness and success that a person creates in their life. The key is understanding that those things are created, meaning that you have control over them. Most people go through life feeling like life is happening to them. But the truth is, we all can be in the driver’s seat for how our life plays out. In order to actively take that control, though, you have to identify and set the values in your life.

 

From this discussion, we can glean the essence :Happiness is a state of well-being , not a predictable discernible character  trait of a person, but a more fleeting, changeable state. Happiness is equated with feeling pleasure or contentment, meaning that happiness is not to be confused with joy, ecstasy, bliss, or other more intense and transitory  feelings. Happiness can be either feeling or showing, meaning that happiness is not necessarily an internal or external experience, but can be both. Happiness actually has less to do with your circumstances than you might think. Life circumstances have little to do with happiness because much happiness is under your control—the product of your habits and your outlook on life. Happiness is synthetic—you either create it, or you don’t.

 Many factors determine the amount of happiness and success that a person creates in their life. The key is understanding that those things are created, meaning that you have control over them. Most people go through life feeling like life is happening to them. But the truth is, we all can be in the driver’s seat for how our life plays out. In order to actively take that control, though, you have to identify and set the values in your life.

With best compliments

Dr Wilfred Monteiro

GOAL SETTING :Upgrading your thinking upgrades your actions, and this produces success.

 

.

The difference between success and failure is found in one’s attitudes toward setbacks, handicaps, discouragements, and other disappointing situations. 

Study setbacks to pave your way to success. When you lose, learn, and then go on to win next time. Have the courage to be your own constructive critic. Seek out your faults and weaknesses and then correct them. This makes you a WINNER IN LIFE .Stop blaming luck. Research each setback. Find out what went wrong. Remember, blaming luck never got anyone where he wanted to go. Blend persistence with experimentation. Stay with your goal but don’t beat your head against a stone wall. Try new approaches. Experiment. Remember, there is a good side in every situation. Find it. See the good side and whip discouragement.

 

LEVERAGE THE POWER OF BELIEF

Here are the three guides to acquiring and strengthening the power of belief:

Think success, don’t think failure. At work, in your home, substitute success thinking for failure thinking. When you face a difficult situation, think, “I’ll win,” not “I’ll probably lose.” When you compete with someone else, think, “I’m equal to the best,” not “I’m outclassed.” When opportunity appears, think “I can do it,” never “I can’t.” Let the master thought “I will succeed” dominate your thinking process. Thinking success conditions your mind to create plans that produce success. Thinking failure does the exact opposite. Failure thinking conditions the mind to think other thoughts that produce failure. Remind yourself regularly that you are better than you think you are. Successful people are not supermen. Success does not require a super intellect. Nor is there anything mystical about success. And success isn’t based on luck. Successful people are just ordinary folks who have developed belief in themselves and what they do. Never—yes, never—sell yourself short.   Believe Big. The size of your success is determined by the size of your belief. Think little goals and expect little achievements. Think big goals and win big success. Remember this, too! Big ideas and big plans are often easier—certainly no more difficult – than small ideas and small plans.

A GOAL SETTING EXERCISE  TO HELP YOU GROW.

Get a clear fix on where you want to go. Create an image of yourself ten years from now.

Write out your ten-year plan. Your life is too important to be left to chance.Put down on paper what you want to accomplish in your work, your home, and your social departments.

Surrender yourself to your desires. Set goals to get more energy. Set goals to get things done. Set goals and discover the real enjoyment of living.

Let your major goal be your automatic pilot. When you let your goal absorb you, you’ll find yourself making the right decisions to reach your goal.

Achieve your goal one step at a time. Regard each task you perform, regardless of how small it may seem, as a step toward your goal.

Build thirty-day goals. Day-by-day effort pays off.

Take detours in your stride. A detour simply means another route.It should never mean surrendering the goal.

Invest in yourself. Purchase those things that build mental power and efficiency. Invest in education. Invest in idea starters.

 

CULTIVATE THE ACHIEVER’S MINDSET

1.   Don’t sell yourself short.Conquer the crime of self-deprecation.Concentrate on your assets. You’re better than you think you are.

2.   Use the big thinker’s vocabulary. Use big, bright, cheerful words.Use words that promise victory, hope, happiness, pleasure; avoid words that create unpleasant images of failure, defeat, grief.

3.   Stretch your vision. See what can be,not just what is. Practice adding value to things, to people, and to yourself.

4.   Get the big view of your job. Think, really think your present job is important. That next promotion depends mostly on how you think toward your present job.

5.   Think above trivial things. Focus your attention on big objectives. Before getting involved in a petty matter, ask yourself, “Is it really important?”

6.   Grow big by thinking big!

CONCLUDING 

Upgrading your thinking upgrades your actions, and this produces success. Here is an easy way to help you make more of yourself by thinking like important people think. 

Look important; it helps you think important. Your appearance talks to you. Be sure it lifts your spirits and builds your confidence. Your appearance talks to others. Make certain it says, “Here is an important person: intelligent, prosperous, and dependable.”
Think your work is important. Think this way, and you will receive mental signals on how to do your job better. Think your work is important, and your subordinates will think their work is important too.
Give yourself a pep talk several times daily. Build a“sell-yourself-to-yourself” commercial. Remind yourself at every opportunity that you’re a first-class person.
In all of life’s situations, ask yourself, “Is this the way an important person thinks?” Then obey the answer

 

With best wishes

Dr Wilfred Monteiro

The secret to the art of great living is to BOUNCE BACK from setbacks It is tapping the reserve ability to maintain competent functioning in the face of major life “stressors”

 META+COACHING MODULE :

 

EMOTIONAL RESILENCE

 

Life is not a battle to be fought but a mystery to be lived. Living in the era of technological revolution, every ten years we adapt to quantum changes that never existed in our life before. Examples of the 21^st Century range from  rigorous digitalization to the 24/7 social media influence, from the changing professions to adapting with the ways of Gen Y. For some the change is welcome for others even a little change of plans can leave such a person  in a state of anxiety and panic.

 

Life has it twists and turns….Often our dreams become nightmares; our carefully crafted projects become disasters; disruptive change Emotional resilience is the strength to power through the storms of disruption change  which makes you feel lost and helpless e.g.  life presents tragedies like the loss of a loved one or a broken marriage.  Getting tied down with the daily stressors of life can be a big reason that we lose our emotional resilience. An individual who has weak resilience tends to become more sensitive, over-reactive, and emotionally unbalanced.

 

RESILENCE - THE HIDDEN RESERVE FORCE

Emotional resilience is an art of living that is entwined with self-belief, self-compassion, and enhanced cognition. It is the way through which we empower ourselves to perceive adversities as ‘temporary’ and keep evolving through the pain and sufferings. We outlast the bad situation and do not think of a big crisis as the “end -of- the -road” or lament in self pity “… life will never be the same again….” Resilience is the capacity to maintain competent functioning in the face of major life “stressors”

 Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient. When we tackle obstacles, we find hidden reserves of courage and resilience we did not know we had. And it is only when we are faced with failure do we realize that these resources were always there within us. We only need to find them and move on with our lives.”

 

 

With Emotional Resilience you not only can deal with the situation effectively, you also safeguard yourself from the emotional devastation. The old saying “The oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent when it must and survived” Strong people alone know how to organize their suffering so as to bear only the most necessary pain.”

 It is tapping  the reserve ability to maintain competent functioning in the face of major life “stressors” The secret to the art of great living is to BOUNCE BACK from what psychologists have termed “prolonged grief disorder” Studies have indicated that resilient individuals can deal with stress more effectively. They can bounce back from any stressful situation with positive energy and confidence, and they are more likely to learn lessons from traumatic encounters rather than get overwhelmed by them

Emotional resilience is  the way through which we empower ourselves to perceive adversities as ‘temporary’ and keep evolving through the pain and sufferings. In a broad way, emotional resilience means bouncing back from a stressful encounter and not letting it affect our internal motivation. It is not a “bend but don’t break” trait, rather resilience is accepting the fact that ‘I am broken’ and continuing to grow with the broken pieces together. Emotional resilience is when you are able to calm your frantic mind after encountering a negative experience. It is intrinsic motivation, an inner force by which we can hold ourselves through all the downsides of life and get back on the track.

 

MODULE FEATURES :

The META+COACH module on Emotional Resilience is helping you to develop the mental muscles to comeback after setbacks Resilience training program aim at improving emotional resilience by building:

 The foundation of the intervention strategies circles around three concepts Cognition – the way we think; Perception – the way we analyze and evaluate things; Action – the way we react to it.T he coaching techniques  attempts to improve the way one thinks, feels, and behaves, and ultimately aims at helping the reader evolve as an emotionally resilient human being.

The principles aimed at helping the coachee  evolve as an emotionally resilient human being can be developed by:

·         Recognizing the fact that our thoughts influence our actions

·         Acknowledging stress and be willing to effectively cope with it

·         Being open to changes and flexible while adapting to new situations

·         Accepting the truth that by changing the way we react to stress, a lot of difference can be made

·         Embracing the self by building self acceptance, self-compassion and empathy

This Meta+Coach Module aims at helping trainees develop their emotional resilience. Offering help to a large number of leaders and professionals, they use techniques  which are practical, evidence-based, and is designed to help professionals improve their personal resilience, leadership skills, and team resilience. Focus on self-confidence and self-esteem that is an essential aspect of becoming more self-resilient.

The module takes  an indepth review of the case each participant presents in his/her life or work  for dealing with difficult situations; or to prepare for an even uncertain and challenging future. the module features  self-assessments and qualitative assignments to keep track of one’s own progress and gauge the resilience that is achieved at the end of the program.

With best wishes

Dr Wilfred Monteiro