META+COACH LESSONS# ROAD TO EMOTIONAL MATURITY

Achieving any goal requires honest and regular monitoring of your progress — if not by others, then by you yourself.

 

THE MINDSET OF A WINNER IN LIFE

Why some people succeed and others don’t

 

 BUILD YOUR WILLPOWER MUSCLE

Perseverance  is a willingness to - commit to long term goals, and to persist in the face of difficulty. Studies show that gritty people obtain more education in their lifetime, and earn higher . The good news is, if you aren’t particularly gritty now, there is something you can do about it. People who lack persistence and constancy of purpose;  more often than not believe that they just don’t have the innate abilities successful people have. If that describes your own thinking …. well, there’s no way to put this nicely: you are wrong. As I mentioned earlier, effort, planning, persistence, and good tacts  are what it really takes to succeed. Embracing this knowledge will not only help you see yourself and your goals more accurately, but also do wonders for your grit.

 Your self-control “muscle” is just like the other muscles in your body — when it doesn’t get much exercise, it becomes weaker over time. But when you give it regular workouts by putting it to good use, it will grow stronger and stronger, and better able to help you successfully reach your goals. To build willpower, take on a challenge that requires you to do something you’d honestly rather not do. Give up high-fat snacks, do 100 sit-ups a day, stand up straight when you catch yourself slouching, try to learn a new skill. When you find yourself wanting to give in, give up, or just not bother — don’t. It will be hard in the beginning, but it will get easier, and that’s the whole point. As your strength grows, you can take on more challenges and step-up your self-control workout.

No matter how strong your willpower muscle becomes, it’s important to always respect the fact that it is limited, and if you overtax it you will temporarily run out of steam. Don’t try to take on two challenging tasks at once, if you can help it (like quitting smoking and dieting at the same time). And don’t put yourself in harm’s way — many people are overly-confident in their ability to resist temptation, and as a result they put themselves in situations where temptations abound. Successful people know not to make reaching a goal harder than it already is.

 

GIVE UP LIVING YOUR LIFE TO OTHER PEOPLE’S EXPECTATIONS. 

Way too many people are living a life that is not theirs to live. They live their lives according to what others think is best for them, they live their lives according to what their parents think is best for them, to what their friends, their enemies and worse still what the media thinks is best for them. They ignore their inner voice, that inner calling. They are so busy with pleasing everybody, with living up to other people’s expectations, that they lose control over their lives. They forget what makes them happy, what they want, what they need….and eventually they forget about themselves.  You have one life – this one right now – you must live it, own it, and especially don’t let other people’s opinions distract you from your path. Give up your need to impress others. Stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not just to make others like you. It doesn’t work this way. The moment you stop trying so hard to be something that you’re not, the moment you take of all your masks, the moment you accept and embrace the real you, you will find people will be drawn to you, effortlessly.

THE WAY AHEAD

It is my hope that, you have gained some insight into all the things you have been doing right all along. Even more important, I hope are able to identify the mistakes that have derailed you, and use that knowledge to your advantage from now on. Remember, you don’t need to become a different person to become a more successful one. It’s never what you are, but what you do.

 

Focus on getting better, rather than being perfect you will set realistic and achievable goals. Believing you have the ability to reach your goals is important, but so is believing you can get the ability. Many of us believe that our intelligence, our personality, and our physical aptitudes are fixed — that no matter what we do, we won’t improve. As a result, we focus on goals that are all about proving ourselves, rather than developing and acquiring new skills.

 

Know exactly how far you have left to go. Achieving any goal also requires honest and regular monitoring of your progress — if not by others, then by you yourself. If you don’t know how well you are doing, you can’t adjust your behavior or your strategies accordingly. Check your progress frequently — weekly, or even daily, depending on the goal. Let the first quarter the first 90 days be the first milestone to measure your success and get the year to a flying start.

With best wishes

Dr Wilfred Monteiro

 

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What personal qualities do top coaches possess that separate them from the good coach?

HOW A SUCCESSFUL COACH

 BUILDS A RELATIONSHIP

What makes for an excellent coach? What personal qualities do top coaches possess that separate them from the good coach? Is it more the training or the inner qualities? Is it more coaching technique or the artistry? Is it more coaching knowledge or its application? Is it more natural talent for helping people or cultivated abilities? Is it insightful analysis of people or an abiding presence with them?

I have conducted my signature program BECOME AN EXECUTIVE COACH  umpteen times for client companies who want to carry on the coaching style of leadership and employee development.  I have been asked at the Valedictory Event what are the top attributes of successful executive coaches. Here is my impromptu list …

1. Exquisite self awareness-  You practice this like a Zen Monk humble, open, nurturing and grateful to the world.

2. High emotional intelligence – you can empathize with the coachee and are perceptive, intuitive, curious and inquiring. You have a sincere interest in clients and desire to help.

3. Broad vision with focus on important details- Executive Coaching is co partnership to solve business related problems not an unloading of advice or knowledge See coaching as a two way interchange of energies and learnings.

4. Superb Communication- Nuanced, crisp suggestions and hints in the form of provocative or exploratory open ended questions and sharp comments to spark insight 

5. Treat the Coachee as an Equal- Highest regard, caring and respect for clients. David Ogilviy said 50 years ago “… the customer is not a moron; she is as intelligent as your wife ….” Here your customer is the coachee you are the Servant Leader!!

6. With too may quack “certificate holders”  in the market; you can only stand out in the crowd by being a creative, innovative learner and developer of custom coaching methodologies. You have a capacity for deep and wide learning as a student of coaching and other disciplines that support helping others. Continuous learner of themselves and their experiences.

There probably is no one single attribute that all excellent coaches possess. Top flight coaches can be comprised of many stripes and can come from many places, but they all connect with their charges, they know how to make changes with them and they know how to get results. Bottom line, they get the work done.  You view coaching as a calling, an art and a discipline. However the style and conduct of the coaching sessions is the crux of the coaching relationship and the results one can expect:

A good coach should be able to…

1.    He has to be e clear right in the beginning of the intervention about t learning and development objectives.

2.    Avoid ‘jumping in’ to coaching until they have a relationship working with the person being coached (and never stop working on the relationship until they stop coaching).

3.    Be clear about the impact of your own behavior on the coachee. He must show good, sound judgment about which information to use with the coachee and whether the timing is right to share other, more sensitive information with him or her;

4.    How integrity by  follow through on promises or agreements Be available when needed by the individual and offer their time. Continually show that you have the coachee’s best interests in mind. 

5.    Communicate high expectations for individuals and have faith in their abilities to perform well. Raise the individual’s status. They should know the individual being coached is likely to say things that the coach wants to hear, more than they would to a co-worker, spouse, or friend. Avoid comparing the performance of the person they are coaching to the performance of someone else (or treat each individual as a unique situation and adjust their coaching style accordingly).

6.    When they do not know the answer to a question, admit it and offer to find the answer and provide it at the next coaching session (or sooner).Relate their real life experiences and stories (when doing so, using “I” and not the generic “you” to talk about themselves).Admit failure. A good coach should be therefore able to ‘model’ a key component of lifelong learning by being honest with their own performances and using them as an opportunity for learning.

7.    Honestly examine the role they should be playing. They should examine whether they want to be a constant nag, a bully, a friend, a critic, a mentor, a leader, a teacher, a manager, a counselor, a disciplinarian, or a role-model? Or even play multiple roles?

8.    Avoid assuming that the individual’s reluctant or nervous responses are merely signs of resistance and defensiveness to be simply ignored or overcome just because they are different from what they may want him or her to say. These statements should ideally be seen as genuine and valuable indicators of how an individual feels and may offer clues on possible future remedial actions that can be taken.

9.    Be willing to “lead from example” or to be an “exemplar” (modeling the desired behavior and not expecting the person being coached to do something they will not do themselves.

CONCLUDING

Before a coaching relationship is agreed, it is important to have an introductory session. During this session both the coach and the client will have an informal conversation about how the coaching could work, the primary goal of this meeting is to establish if the qualities and personalities of both parties match.

The masker key is however is : HAVE A PASSION for coaching and show an interest in the client and in developing them.  By being passionate about coaching and by believing in the coaching benefits this comes across in a positive way during your sessions. The client must believe that you are confident in your abilities and that you will be able to help them in their ultimate goal of change.

Best of luck

Dr Wilfred Monteiro